Scenes from a Commute

Sakishima High School is in Port Town Nishi, about an hour and 15 minutes away from Gaijin HQ here in Tondabayashi City. Apart from having to wake up at 6:30, it's not so bad a commute, really (incidentally, having been told by our South African friends that "commute" just means "going somewhere" in non-American English, I should point out here that I'm using "commute" in the proper way that God and Uncle Sam intended). Now, Internet traveler, let me whisk you along the beautiful early-morning rainbow-strewn puppy-ridden path from home to work. Pack a lunch!

Step one: walk the 15 minutes from our home to Osakasayamashi Station. It's a nice walk, just long enough to shake some of the cobwebs from my brain and catch still more cobwebs in my face (cobwebs generously donated by Tondabayashi's resident Deadly Spider population, more on them later). Just a 5-minute train ride away is lovely Kitanoda station, where the glee just hangs in the air:

7:34-7:35 a.m. is just the officially designated Break Time in the nonstop party that is Kitanoda Station. Soon enough, this pulls up:

I believe that the actual job of the guy with the OCD gloves is Train Stuffer. He makes sure that trains that are already at maximum capacity don't have any extra room on the ceiling through helpful...well, shoving, pretty much. The inside of the train:

I'm not exaggerating when I say that these trains could not be any more crowded. It's a little disheartening to board the train as commuters vainly try to edge backwards, crushing schoolchildren and the elderly whose heads dip dangerously below the tide of human beings in suits. Oh, and lest you think that I'm actually this much taller than everyone else on the train, the above photo was enhanced by my holding the camera overhead at arm's length (in the process, I elbowed three people). Ordinarily, as a gaijin, I get a fair amount of extra leg room on public transportation -- my invisible waves of stinkiness/menace give me a few extra inches of space, a boundary respected by everyone up to and including pregnant women and amputees -- but this is the first thing to go in the everyday rush for square inches of floor.

After a couple of stops on the train, during which 500,000 more people board the train, I get off and walk from Tengachaya to nearby Kishinosato Station, passing through Tengachaya Station just long enough to ponder whether it would be too terrible if I just quit my job and lived at Mister Donut for the rest of my life. On the walk, my spirits are always lifted by this wonderful view of Japanese culture:

I have never wanted to go bowling more than I do at 7:54 a.m., Monday through Thursday. According to the sign underneath, it's a combination grocery store/bowling alley/karaoke bar, which, I believe, is a conglomeration of all of my hopes and dreams for employment since I was 6.

Afterwards, I ride the subway from Kishinosato to the end of the line. As you can see, the subway is considerably roomier. Cushy, even. Backrubs.

The jacuzzi car is behind me in this photo. There's always plenty to do in the train, though:

For instance, I have some time to think about all the Relaxing Time I would have later to Enjoy Rich Taste. Suntory: Be Amazed By It! Listen To It! Also, pixellation is apparently a big problem in Japan; take a look at what's happened to the traditional artwork of maybe a Christmas decoration that graces the wall of Kawagablayamnawa (or something) station:


Chilling indeed. When I get to the end of the line, I'm treated to one of Osaka's greatest structures -- nay, one of the pinnacles of human architecture: the Longest Escalator in the World:


Fighting elevation sickness all the while, I then board the Osaka monorail, called the "New Tram." Gives me a great view of Osaka's fashionable Port District, known for its...well, boats. Aaaaaand...ships.


I do get a nice view of one of Japan's most precious endangered species. Though it exists only in captivity now, these majestic creatures once roamed the Land of the Rising Sun without constraint:


This particular dinosaur is known only as Truck-Ra, Devourer of Vans. Unleashing destruction and bargain scrap metal from atop his imposing pedestal.

At last, then, school:

And now you know what the real Japan looks like, cheesecake, Tyrannosauruses and all. I should note that in the time it took me to write this blog post, I could have commuted to work and back three times. Plus, that would pay better.