P.S.

That's right, folks, this is a historic double post by the Gaijin Patrol! Savor it, for the moment may never yet come again! Huzzah!

...And by all that, I mean that I forgot to mention something in what I posted earlier today: there are many, many more photos of our adventures in Japan on my Facebook profile. I have uploaded 2 albums' worth, with more on the way. If you're not my friend or not on Facebook (heresy!), these should do it:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2103122&id=36103018&l=0f3de48c12
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2102330&id=36103018&l=863fab4d38
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2101117&id=36103018&l=3739551d82

...And by all that, I mean that after you read this post, you should read the one under this, too. Y'know, the rambling, self-important one. I'll leave it up to you to figure out which one I mean by that. In justification of this contentless blog post, please enjoy this photo of Mac the dog!

Taco Night!

Yes, taco night. What red-blooded American doesn't have fond memories of family Taco Night. Whether it's observed on Taco Tuesday, Taco Friday, or for the entirety of Taco History Month; whether your tortillas be flour or corn; whether your tacos be filled with beef, chicken, cheese, or some combination of the three; whether the tacos are lovingly handmade at the table or picked up from a fast food chain, Taco Night means one thing: egalitarian distribution of labor (i.e., the much-vaunted Make Your Own Damn Taco rule). And joy, too. Two things, Taco Night means two things.

Truly, an American institution on par with Thanksgiving or Hot Dog On A Stick.

Well, as you may or may not be aware, Japan is a nation tragically bereft of tacos as we know them. Indian food abounds, as does Italian. Basically, if you want flat bread-like products topped with food, you'll have to settle for naan, pizza, or hot dogs. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

Having almost depleted the packets of taco seasoning that I smuggled into the country a month ago, Jenn and I must resort to adopting the native Japanese tako, which, while homonymous with the beloved icon of Taco Night and delicious its own right, has little to do with our Earth tacos. See figures 1 and 2:

The Japanese have a thing about anthropomorphizing their food, for some reason. This tako appears to have his own shrine in the parking lot a restaurant where he will be adorably butchered and consumed. Kawaii!

This tako...well, it doesn't have the best self esteem.

Yes, tako is, in fact, the Japanese word for octopus. Jenn and I have done our best to embrace this Osakan culinary landmark, which isn't all that hard, really; it's tasty, especially when the only bits of it you see on your plate are cut up in little unidentifiable chunks. So we've tried to make Tako Night just as special as Taco Night, even going so far as to name our wireless network after it (for our password, click here). Here is an actual graphic photo taken during our last Tako Night (warning, this picture should not be viewed by the squeamish or by anyone who doesn't like eggplant):

Not pictured: the head, including brain, beak, ink-hole, and weird-ass little mouth-tube. I threw that shit away before pulling out the camera. You're welcome!

And to prove that this is all meant to be eaten, here's fingers that could actually be mine touching what could very well be that same octopus (take that, skeptics!):

An anonymous, blurry, crooked photo? That could only be Harry!

So there you have it. I'd include a recipe, but let's be honest: you're not going to cook it. Also we more or less made it up as we went along.

Secrets of the Japanese Educational System

Friends, I'm sure you've heard the same numbers that I have; Japanese students regularly outperform American high school students on standardized tests by as much as 15, 20, 92, and even a staggering 184(and those are Japanese elementary school students, by the way). Japan has been pointed to as an example of rigorous, intensive education since the early 1980s (maybe even earlier, but as a member of the somethingorother-generation, I can't be bothered with anything that happened before Wrath of Khan). Educators have been wracking their brains and crying buckets of tears, wailing, "Sure, American students don't regularly commit suicide after failing exams, but why can't they perform simple arithmetic like the Japanese?"

Well, Internet, I bring you news of the ancient secret to Japanese success: overnight rigorous academic programs! By sequestering students away from the classroom environment to do nothing but dedicate their every waking moment to the study of science or English, Japanese schools can hugely facilitate their education. In violation of industry secrecy standards, Jenn and I were invited to help with an English Overnight Program held by Jenn's school, Kongo High School. There we bore witness to these fascinating pedagogical tactics:

Performing skits (30 minutes):


Writing and preparing for those skits (3 hours):



Rehearsing the skits (2 hours):



Um...further English Education (2 hours):



And fireworks (1 1/2 hours):

"Give fireworks to teenagers and let them have at it? Why not? What could possibly go wrong?"

And that's it, actually. The directions for the skit activity, to which at least 8 hours was devoted (the rest was pretty evenly divided among eating, sleeping, sports, and fireworks), were "Make a creative news story in English." Those were the only directions given.

The one real perk of the whole program: it was held here:


The beauty of Kawachinagano Youth Center was only slightly undermined by the presence in every hallway of a bucket, tongs, and picture of a friggin' enormous centipede. Though I'm still more or less illiterate in Japanese, the intent seemed clear enough that I successfully avoided being eaten by centipedes (mostly through the precautionary measure of not falling asleep).

Welcome to the Working Week!

Yes, you may have heard it shouted from the rooftops even all the way across the Pacific: thanks to the untimely quitting of another contract employee, I now have a position at ECC Best Careers! I'll be teaching at Sakashima High School here in Osaka, about an hour's commute from our place in Tondabayashi. It's a Monday-Thursday job running from October to February.


In a word:

More to come.

Have you seen this woman?

The answer to that question is probably no. But, I assure you all, I am alive and (in some senses of the word) well. I have started "teaching" at Kongo High School (I'm actually just introducing myself over and over and over and over), but I'm sure at some point, I will be able to talk with my students about things other than myself. Like, for example, the weather. Or whether or not they like bananas. And, as of yesterday Harry and I are the proud parents of a brand spankin' new internet connection, so I can finally take time out of my busy schedule of sitting at my desk because I am required to be there from 8:30 to 4:15 regardless of whether or not I have any work to do there. (I know I shouldn't complain about the grueling hours or anything, but having to look busy is taxing. And stupid. Likewise attending meanings when you do not UNDERSTAND A DAMN THING THAT ANYONE IS SAYING.)

In other news, in the week before Harry arrived (I realize this is old news) I purchased and installed a washing machine all by myself. International travel is all about stretching your boundaries. I, however, do not feel old enough to own a washing machine. (Addendum: I bought it used.)

Tune in later for the blog post where I actually talk about Japan!