Obviously, we've been getting a lot of e-mails and expensive-ass phone calls from concerned friends and relatives inquiring about how we're doing in the wake of what's been called the worst natural disaster to ever strike Japan. The short answer: we're fine. The long answer: we're totally, absolutely fine, and our lives have not even been disrupted in the least.
It's a little odd, actually. All the headlines (the English ones, that is) keep mentioning the "Japanese quake" as though the entire country were 10 feet underwater now. I understand the need for generalization, and I understand that most people in the States might not have the best firsthand knowledge of Japanese geography, by let me put it to rest: Osaka is quite far from where the quake hit. Japan is roughly the size of California, and Osaka and Sendai City are about as far apart as San Diego and San Francisco. There were tsunami advisories here, but nothing came of it.
I wish I had anything interesting or substantive to tell you all about Japan, some unique insider's perspective into the state of a nation in crisis - that is the Blogger's Dream, I believe - but we've got nothing. I was at work, and I didn't even feel a thing. Jenn was riding the train and thought that it was nothing more than a moderately bumpy ride. Other than that, we had a lovely weekend, made pancakes, went bowling. I'm sure you all in the States are much better informed than we are; we get our news from the NY Times and Google (yes, we're still illiterate). The trains are all running on time.
Again, I wish I had more to say. Please do your part if you can. Something more fun and hopefully more substantive coming sometime soon.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Robo-Boogie
It is the distant future: the year 2011. There are times where having the opportunity to write about life in Japan is a precious gift. This is absolutely one of those times.
The other day, Osaka hosted the world's first bipedal robot marathon. I'll just repeat that: Osaka was home to the first-ever 26.2 mile race of bipedal robots. If your reaction to this is anything like mine, you are expecting news of the successful launch of Skynet any day now.
The proud winner of this year's marathon. Look at that charming smile!
So yeah, it's pretty much "I for one welcome our cruel robot overlords" time. Except, of course, for the fact that these robots are adorably tiny. Please enjoy these highlights from the race.
The other day, Osaka hosted the world's first bipedal robot marathon. I'll just repeat that: Osaka was home to the first-ever 26.2 mile race of bipedal robots. If your reaction to this is anything like mine, you are expecting news of the successful launch of Skynet any day now.
The proud winner of this year's marathon. Look at that charming smile!So yeah, it's pretty much "I for one welcome our cruel robot overlords" time. Except, of course, for the fact that these robots are adorably tiny. Please enjoy these highlights from the race.
It's even better if you imagine "Yakkity Sax" playing from 0:17.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Everybody bok bok
My kindergarten just held its nth annual recital, an affair treated with the same level of planning and ritual as the Academy Awards or a presidential visit. Teacher movements were calculated down to the minute, meetings went on long into the night, all to ensure that the annual taking-photos-of-three-year-olds-yelling-and-wetting-their-pants went off without a hitch. And it did! I guess!
Please enjoy the fruits of 4 years of English education, the crowning achievement of my teaching career (seriously, I can't think of anything more satisfying), as performed by Rainbow Class at the 2011 Happyokai:
And, as an illustration of how early education is different in Japan, how many times did you do this in music class? How much do you wish you could have?
Mind you, these kids aren't particularly amazing or disciplined outside of this activity; this class is one of the more unruly ones at the school. Maybe it's just because this is awesome and everybody loves to do it.
Please enjoy the fruits of 4 years of English education, the crowning achievement of my teaching career (seriously, I can't think of anything more satisfying), as performed by Rainbow Class at the 2011 Happyokai:
And, as an illustration of how early education is different in Japan, how many times did you do this in music class? How much do you wish you could have?
Mind you, these kids aren't particularly amazing or disciplined outside of this activity; this class is one of the more unruly ones at the school. Maybe it's just because this is awesome and everybody loves to do it.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Snow Day
Sorry, no blog this week. In case you haven't heard, Osaka has been stricken by the white-hot vengeance of the season. Snow demons, what hath thou wrought?
The school buses stopped running, the city buses were about half an hour late, there was utter chaos. Teachers (not me) threw snowballs at other teachers (also not me). It got so bad that even a well-meaning gaijin couldn't take out the garbage from Activity Kids without getting thoroughly dusted.
Happy Valentine's Day, snow demons. And a hearty fuck you to you, too.
The school buses stopped running, the city buses were about half an hour late, there was utter chaos. Teachers (not me) threw snowballs at other teachers (also not me). It got so bad that even a well-meaning gaijin couldn't take out the garbage from Activity Kids without getting thoroughly dusted.
Happy Valentine's Day, snow demons. And a hearty fuck you to you, too.
Monday, February 7, 2011
In the Name of Conglomerated Soy, Demon Come OUT!
Yes, the weather is turning, the gleeful bacchanalia of Groundhog's Day is past us, which means that it's time once again for that greatest of all holidays: Demon-Bean-Banishing Day!
Just in case you don't happen to remember the traditional practices of Setsubun (for shame!): on February 3rd, which is the lunar New Year, a family will gather at home or at a nearby shrine and fling dried soybeans at a designated family member wearing a demon mask. While doing so, they're supposed to shout "鬼はそと！福は内！", or "Demons out! Good luck in!" In addition, everyone is supposed to eat a number of beans corresponding to their age. Are you sensing a theme here?
Since I'm employed at the kindergarten this time around, I'm in a little better position to see how this fascinating holiday is celebrated by its core demo. And "demo" is absolutely the right word here, as it turns out! According to my cooking instructor -- a man just old, ornery, and Japanese enough for me to believe absolutely anything he says -- Setsubun is more or less made up by the relevant corporations, in particular by Big Soybean. I know, it's horrendous that such a pure celebration of faith and...I don't know, joy or something can be exploited by greedy industries. The practice of throwing beans at demons does go back a few centuries, but it's exploded in the past 30 years thanks to big advertising pushes from the soybean conglomerates.
Worse, the tradition of eating makizushi was entirely invented about 20 years ago by grocery stores! The thing that gets me about this is just how wholeheartedly I bought into the entire affair. I mean, every year on a Medieval demon-themed day, you're supposed to face a special compass direction as determined by Chinese geomancy and eat an eel roll? Of course! You can't make that shit up! Unfortunately, as it turns out, someone absolutely did make that shit up.
Still, I can't let the Man get me down. Nothing to do but try to enjoy and terrify:
This photo was picked from hundreds taken by my coworkers, and is unique among the roll in that there are no crying children in it. The vice principal, a lady whom I will only describe as "classy" as long as I am employee of Harumidai Kindergarten, gave an introductory Setsubun speech to all the students. As she did so, the kids were quietly equipped with a small pouch of dried beans. Here's an excerpt from the beginning of the talk (keeping in mind that my Japanese is not yet on par with a 3-year-old):
"So, children, it's been very cold lately, right? And maybe you've been feeling sick lately? Well, that's because of demons. There are demons in your house and school." Fun, yeah? Is this really the sort of thing you should be instilling in kids?
Then, two of the bus drivers jumped out in masks and tiger-print loincloths (called onipantsu, or "Demon Underwear"), wielding huge clubs and yelling at two hundred odd children. Hence the crying. I think this is one of the beloved childhood rituals that is way, way more fun for the adults than the kids, and thus is remembered and cherished by each generation so they can visit its horrors upon the next.
Then the vice principal invited the demons on stage to announce their conquest and introduce the laws of their new regime to the children.
On an unrelated note:
No idea why, but the "Digital TV" monster was absolutely everywhere, including a 5-foot-tall version at the kindergarten. I had come to the conclusion that it was for parents who were opposed to Digital TV and wanted to drive it from their homes. A friend tells me that it may just be one more reminder for Japanese adults that analog broadcasts will be ending soon. And hey, not a bad way to remind people; if memory serves, they tried absolutely everything else to let people know about the digital switchover in the States.
Just in case you don't happen to remember the traditional practices of Setsubun (for shame!): on February 3rd, which is the lunar New Year, a family will gather at home or at a nearby shrine and fling dried soybeans at a designated family member wearing a demon mask. While doing so, they're supposed to shout "鬼はそと！福は内！", or "Demons out! Good luck in!" In addition, everyone is supposed to eat a number of beans corresponding to their age. Are you sensing a theme here?
Since I'm employed at the kindergarten this time around, I'm in a little better position to see how this fascinating holiday is celebrated by its core demo. And "demo" is absolutely the right word here, as it turns out! According to my cooking instructor -- a man just old, ornery, and Japanese enough for me to believe absolutely anything he says -- Setsubun is more or less made up by the relevant corporations, in particular by Big Soybean. I know, it's horrendous that such a pure celebration of faith and...I don't know, joy or something can be exploited by greedy industries. The practice of throwing beans at demons does go back a few centuries, but it's exploded in the past 30 years thanks to big advertising pushes from the soybean conglomerates.
Worse, the tradition of eating makizushi was entirely invented about 20 years ago by grocery stores! The thing that gets me about this is just how wholeheartedly I bought into the entire affair. I mean, every year on a Medieval demon-themed day, you're supposed to face a special compass direction as determined by Chinese geomancy and eat an eel roll? Of course! You can't make that shit up! Unfortunately, as it turns out, someone absolutely did make that shit up.
Still, I can't let the Man get me down. Nothing to do but try to enjoy and terrify:
This photo was picked from hundreds taken by my coworkers, and is unique among the roll in that there are no crying children in it. The vice principal, a lady whom I will only describe as "classy" as long as I am employee of Harumidai Kindergarten, gave an introductory Setsubun speech to all the students. As she did so, the kids were quietly equipped with a small pouch of dried beans. Here's an excerpt from the beginning of the talk (keeping in mind that my Japanese is not yet on par with a 3-year-old):
"So, children, it's been very cold lately, right? And maybe you've been feeling sick lately? Well, that's because of demons. There are demons in your house and school." Fun, yeah? Is this really the sort of thing you should be instilling in kids?
Then, two of the bus drivers jumped out in masks and tiger-print loincloths (called onipantsu, or "Demon Underwear"), wielding huge clubs and yelling at two hundred odd children. Hence the crying. I think this is one of the beloved childhood rituals that is way, way more fun for the adults than the kids, and thus is remembered and cherished by each generation so they can visit its horrors upon the next.
Then the vice principal invited the demons on stage to announce their conquest and introduce the laws of their new regime to the children.On an unrelated note:
No idea why, but the "Digital TV" monster was absolutely everywhere, including a 5-foot-tall version at the kindergarten. I had come to the conclusion that it was for parents who were opposed to Digital TV and wanted to drive it from their homes. A friend tells me that it may just be one more reminder for Japanese adults that analog broadcasts will be ending soon. And hey, not a bad way to remind people; if memory serves, they tried absolutely everything else to let people know about the digital switchover in the States.
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