The air space doesn't get much more special than this.

Hands down, Japan's greatest contribution to modern culture has to be karaoke. Using the latest in audio-visual technology, karaoke (literally, "empty orchestra") advances human revelry to the next level: for centuries of Friday nights, humanity has simply drunkenly belted their favorite songs at friends without concern for rhythm or key. With karaoke, however, one can do exactly the same thing but into a microphone (and thus, do it much louder). Progress in its most basic form.

Instant fame, 21st-century style. Radio star death optional.

It's no secret to anyone who knows us that Jenn and I are big fans of karaoke -- our final year at Truman State, we whiled away many happy Tuesday nights at the Dukum Inn, waiting for our turn to entertain the rest of the bar. Karaoke taps into some very primal instincts in human nature; in our case, the love of attention, and in my case, the love of showing off sophisticated musical preferences (the latter is the same instinct acted upon by males of all species -- instead of inflating neck wattles or sounding a mating call, the average 21st century douchey while male makes playlists). In its American incarnation, karaoke is fun, usually free entertainment, its enjoyment factor only slightly diminished by the high ratio of time spent singing to time spent watching drunk twentysomethings slur "IT'S PAIGE'S BIRTHDAY! HAY, PAIGE'S BIRTHDAY IS TODAY!" into the mike.

Imagine our delight, then, to find that, like haiku, Godzilla, and sushi, something was lost in karaoke's translation in America. Now here is the proper way to do karaoke: operating on the same commercial principles as the Love Hotel, you get to rent a small, windowless private room for a set amount of time. Drinks are delivered to the room, and are occasionally included in the price; karaoke usually goes better with adult beverages (again, like haiku, Godzilla, and sushi). The central advantage of this form of karaoke is that the "IT'S HER BIRTHDAY" ladies are left at the door, meaning that you only have to embarrass yourself in front of your dearest friends. And the selection of English songs is usually quite decent!


The choice of songs is a little quirky at times, but as long as you want to sing Queen, Frank Sinatra, or Madonna, you're pretty much covered. Of course, they lack some pretty important artists like the Magnetic Fields, Leonard Cohen, [deleted due to extreme pomposity - ed.] but I manage somehow, I guess.

We tried to make some videos of karaoke outings, but something about the volume of the speakers, the quality of the recording device used, and an insufficiency of pixie dust made them come out too horrible for human sensory organs to process; it's similar to a leprechaun losing its magic outside of Ireland or a kebab being inedible except at a kebab shop after 10 p.m. Here is a rough approximation of what we do on the weekends, though.