OK, That's One English Lesson to Go. Would You Like Grammar With That?

9th Floor: Menswear, stationary, and the English language.

As I have recounted in other ramblings, one of Japan's most esteemed institutions of learning is the eikaiwa, a "conversation school" where businessmen learn how to make awkward small talk on airplanes and high schoolers supplement their after-school cram school studies. I've expressed some reticence when it comes to teaching at one of these private-sector after-hours schools; I have made it clear that capitalism is my most hated nemesis after Arby's and devil bears. How can it benefit ESL learners for their teachers to look at them with yen signs in their eyes, to encourage them to take as many classes as possible so they can make more cash? Surely the students would be better served by government-employed teachers who have an objective interest in the betterment of their pupils? You know, teachers who are fully trained and qualified (i.e., not me)? Rather than a base monetary incentive, teachers should be motivated to help their students by a more philosophically pure desire, such as the desire to have the whole summer off!

Well, two things have changed my mind about eikaiwas since getting a job teaching at Nichibei English Service (a wholly owned subsidiary of Nichibei Pickled Eel Co., Inc., Ltd.) on Wednesday evenings: first, I think it's probably wise to speak well of my new employer in the grand Japanese tradition (first-and-a-half: my mandatory Nichibei brain-microchipping); and second, it turns out that teaching at an eikaiwa actually isn't so bad. You've seen my commute to the dismal public school gig; here's the gleeful facade of the building where Nichibei Tennoji is housed:

Merry Christmas! Don't forget the batteries, and also an ESL education!

One of the best parts of teaching in the evenings is that my students are in the room of their own volition (or at least their parents' volition, which works just as well). Compared to a low-level classroom of 20 sleeping 15-year-olds, a group of 3-6 students from 18 to 50-something is a cinch. I can explain things in English, I can conduct classes how I like, and I can plan my own lessons!

...Provided, of course, that I follow the textbooks provided. That's really my only complaint about this gig: the textbooks are ridiculously advanced for the students' level. My introductory, never-had-English-before textbook includes dialogues with phrases like "Haven't we met before?" and "I have to cook three meals a day, seven days a week, four weeks a month for my whole family." The advanced class covers such vital conversational topics as dropped sounds and weak vowels (which, admittedly, did give me an opportunity to use "schwa" in a sentence). I'd far rather overestimate my students than underestimate them, but I fear some topics may be too advanced for even a native English speaker to handle. We'll see how my students deal with next week's lesson featuring the conditional subjunctive appositive occluded tense.