Visa-Mandated Funny Pictures of Japan, pt. 3

Yep, it doesn't get much quirkier than this. It's not all Engrish over here; occasionally, when a multi-million yen company invests in an English design or slogan, they do take the extra, laborious, pretty much unnecessary step of running it by an actual English speaker before sending it to be printed up in 50 foot tall letters. However, even if something happens to be grammatically correct English, that doesn't necessarily mean that it makes any goddamn sense. Vis:

100% sense-free. Maybe it's kind of a epistemological statement, y'know? Like, "MAN as man," "GOD as god," "BUDDHA as buddha." "CHEESE as cheesed."

This manifesto is plastered all over the walls at one of the local karaoke places, Shidax. The end of the first line reads "...that there is a secret." If any of you out there can help me decode this little brainteaser, it would be much appreciated. I'm assuming it's either an obscure Taoist parable or an encoded treasure map.

Finally, the line of gauche 1,000 Years of Solitude bags and purses that we've all been waiting for! Next season: suits and accessories by David Foster Weird, Tokyo.

I've been out of America too long, I can't remember: do we spell it "Sheepy" or "Sheepie"?

Anyway, that's about it for the funny pictures with correct approximations of English. Now on to the better stuff:

Sign by Eliza Doolittle.

Drinks come with all the peanuts you can take without getting mauled in the face.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the newest member of our house: the Softbank dog. When I got my cheap-ass cell phone (after Gaijin Registration Cards, cell phones are the most important requirement of Japanese residency), I was told that I couldn't cancel out of some of the expensive, unnecessary monthly plans like Photo Vision...but I did have a choice between free gifts: unusably large talking stuffed dog cell phone charm, or unusably large talking stuffed dog cell phone charm with a hat. I got the one with the hat, as you can see, and I'm glad I did: he yells a lot of stuff in Japanese, but he also says "Bon soir, madame." Class-y. Also, I'm a little unclear on the Softbank mythos, but I do know that this dog's name is Otousan ("Father"), and he spends a lot of time around a black man in glasses and a young Japanese woman. This being Japan, I can only assume that it's something unimaginably filthy. On the bright side, though, now my cell phone is charmed with a stuffed animal the size of an actual dog!